I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
