he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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