I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
