apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
