I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
