These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
