apparently the secret to your success is patron
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
