Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
