Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
