I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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