this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
