So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
