So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
