I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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