small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I love you. Go after that dick
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
