last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
