The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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