I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
