Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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