ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
