Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
