mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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