Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
