I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize