is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
