Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
