we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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