just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
