I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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