it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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