Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
