Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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