I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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