Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
