You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
