And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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