just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
