you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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