so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
