well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
