In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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