I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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