my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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