I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
