My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
