I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
