Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
