She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i drank out of a bidet.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
