Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
