Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize