Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize