In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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