another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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