I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
