I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I need a burrito and a hug.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
