Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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