This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
