my vag is so smooth its legendary
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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