no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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