We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
