At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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