We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
