I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
