Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize