mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
