What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
